Monday, August 11, 2008

Blondes Have More ... Anxiety

So on Friday I made an appointment with my friend Annie's hairdresser for TOMORROW to get Bettie Page bangs. Her hairdresser is a rockabilly chick (which I hope to one day if I'm lucky be cool enough to dress up for on Halloween) and I'm confident she's going to make my bangs look amazing! I can't wait.

The problem, however, was that I had that little problem of the orange roots in my hair. I couldn't handle going to the salon for bangs (and a trim) and be berated by a cool rockabilly stranger about using drug store dye on my hair.

So I did what any sensible person would do:

I poured myself a vodka and Fresca and -- after researching new bleaching techniques and stuff on the internet -- decided to dye my hair myself, but using professional-grade products this time.

When I was in high school, I used Wella bleach all the time on my hair. And it turned out pretty great, if I do say so myself. BUT! That was high school. My hair was definitely more blonde then AND it was shorter and I didn't care if I burned it all off because, well, that would just make my cut look MORE cool.

Thankfully, I came across this blog post and decided I could do it.

So I went to Sally's on Saturday with a list of stuff I needed (after researching further on Clairol's website) and because I had the baby and all, I asked the girl to get everything for me.

I didn't realize until I'd gotten home, put the baby to sleep, and put my hair up into sections to begin the process that she forgot the activator packets for the "Born Blonde" (first step in bleaching).

There are not enough 4-letter-words to describe how this made me feel.

So instead of letting the poor baby just sleep, I got her up (she'd only been down about 5 minutes) and went to a beauty supply that is right up the street from our place. The woman gave me bleach and not activator. I wasn't paying attention because -- in case you haven't been paying attention -- I have no patience at all and I just wanted to get this hair thing over and done with.

When I got home, I put the baby to sleep (she went right down!) and decided to take a picture before I began the process:

And then realized that I got BW2 bleach and not activator powder.

At this point I figured I'd let the baby sleep.

So when she woke up around 4, I fed her and then we were off to Sally's again for activator and GLOVES, which I'd forgotten during the first trip, too.

And because I was so nervous, I decided to have myself a cocktail before starting.

I put the baby to bed and she went right down (whoo hoo!) so I got to work.

In the past when I've dyed my own hair I NEVER took the time to actually follow the directions when it says to separate the hair into sections, etc. but I figured this time I'd actually do it. I didn't go in 1/8" sections to apply the dye (are you kidding me? That'd take 5 years and I want blonde hair NOW!) but I did a pretty decent job.

Of course the baby ended up crying midway through the bleaching process and -- also of course -- I got bleach all over myself so I was trying to breastfeed her without poisoning her and while I had bleach on my hair that, you know, could theoretically fry my freaking hair off.

It was at this point Lola decided she wanted to start barking like "Let's play!"

So please imagine:

Bleach in my hair that could burn my hair off (think: Nair), bleach on my t-shirt and arms, holding baby to breastfeed her without trying to touch her too much for fear I missed a spot of bleach and she was going to swallow it, trying to keep the baby from screaming because she was starving, sitting on the corner of the bed so the back of my head wouldn't hit the back of my rocker and bleach it out or something, and the dog is FREAKING OUT and wanting me to do "fighty bitey" on the floor with her.

All I could do was laugh at that point, and frantically check the time on the clock which was difficult to do with a crying baby, a barking dog and the fact that I wasn't wearing my glasses.

However, I was still positive things would turn out okay ... (I am an eternal optimist)

I had to finally put the baby down and let her scream bloody (HUNGRY) murder while I rinsed out the bleach from my hair, then calm her down enough so I could put the toner on and then rinse that out and put on a deep conditioner.

When it was all said and done, I'm not going to lie, I had a half a bottle of wine. I didn't go to sleep until about 1 a.m. because I was so terrified of how it was going to look all dry, but I also didn't want to blow-dry on my Kentucky-fried hair.

I think it turned out okay, but I'm anxious because I should have just gone to the beauty school or something for some quickie highlights instead of going through all these processes ... because my hair was mostly natural color before and now it's definitely fake blonde. So I'm having a little bit of buyer's remorse because it's so light and I feel like such a phony and it is uneven a little bit and I'm going to see super-cool-Rockabilly chick hairdresser tomorrow. And I am thinking "Maybe I want something more natural, I mean, I'm not Gwen Stefani over here -- I'm a freaking Old Navy t-shirt and jeans-in-a-size-that-scares-me wearing stay at home mom!

I'm going to have to start wearing red lipstick and eyeliner to really pull this off and then, you know, the baby's gonna have red lipstick marks all over her cute little face and head.

What, on God's green earth, was I thinking? I woke up in the middle of the night with slight panic attacks thinking I totally screwed up my hair because now it's dry and looks horrible and I am growing it out so what was I thinking doing this to myself? WHAT WAS I THINKING!?!?!?

So I decided I'm probably going to have a professional dye my hair a natural brown color (to match my roots) in about a month. I can't go through this anxiety every 6-8 weeks if I'm going to be dyeing it myself. Blonde is too complicated. So I'm settled: I'm going to go brown.

... after I spend the next month with nothing on my hair except deep conditioner and a shower cap.

Tomorrow I go see Lacey and I just hope I don't have the same buyer's remorse about the bangs.

Without further ado, here are the pictures from my adventure ...

Up close and personal with the roots:

Gratuitous "glamour shot" because my jowls were out of the frame, but you get an idea of the color before (plus this is the greatest picture I've taken since our wedding and I love my black frames):

Note the awesome black gloves and my actually using a brush to apply the product (and not, for example, a garden hose). Also note: the package of gloves said to remove jewelry first ... um, yeah, my rings aren't coming off without cutting off either the rings or my fingers, so that wasn't happening:

My roots, in the shower cap, after bleach was applied (would have taken them mid-application, but I'm fairly certain getting bleach on the camera is grounds for divorce):

Because of the baby crying/wet hair debacle, I didn't take these until today, but you can see the roots aren't orange anymore at least:

Here is a view from the back, which I think looks pretty awesome considering my hair has been in a ponytail since yesterday morning (also note: those bra-tanktops from Costco are AWESOME for breastfeeding):

And while it's not as blonde as I'd have liked (this color washes me out waaaaay too much -- it's like I'm all the same color), looking at this picture, you know, I guess I am fairly happy with the results. Also, this may very well be the last picture of me without Bettie bangs ... I am hoping I don't cry myself to sleep holding this picture tomorrow afternoon after my appointment:

1 comment:

Annie said...

1. I'm jealous that you can dye your hair blonde in the first place.
2. Your bangs are going to look awesome!!!