Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Joyeux Anniversaire Watler

Today my brother Kyle turned 26 years old. I remember very distinctly when my parents brought him home from the zoo (no, seriously, he was almost born at the zoo) and I looked at him and said "He's really strong".

And that is because he weighed approximately 47 lbs when he was born. I am not kidding.

We started out as siblenemies and later became friends in a way that scared every boyfriend I ever had (except Geoff who probably just didn't pay attention). And this is because we have our own language.

Yes. Be prepared to be jealous starting ... well, like 10 years ago.

When Kyle started high school, he followed in my footsteps by taking French. And at the same time, Beavis and Butthead was becoming really popular. Now, our mom wouldn't allow us to call each other Butthead (mean, I know) so we started calling each other Beavis.

Beavis became Beav, which became
The Beav, which became
Wally and the Beav, which became
Wally, which became
Walter, which became
Walt R., which became
Walt E. (because his middle name starts with R and mine with E -- get it? GET IT?!)
And all of that at some point became (probably due to a text or instant messaging typo)

So my brother and I call each other variations of that name pretty much exclusively.

And, occasionally, variations of the theme of:

Fart knocker
Fart smoker
Fart face
Poop face
Poop shoe (thanks to Kyle stepping in poop and going into my car at one point)
Poop smoker
Fart pooper
Poop farter
Smoke farter

Now the French classes are key in this equation (of awesomeness) because my mom took German in high school, so she had no idea how to say or understand anything in French. And because I took French for all 4 years of high school I knew quite a bit (but not nearly enough to, you know, actually apply it to anything pertinent like communicating with other French-speaking people).

Kyle, of course, did not know very much because he had just begun.

So what happened was: we started making stuff up.

And it drove my mom crazy.

And therefore it stuck.

So over the past few years what was once done merely to annoy my mom is now the way we communicate.

It's sort of a mix of French/Spanish/Backwards/Madeup words. And I know I don't notice it most of the time until someone points it out and says "Um, were you speaking French with your brother?" and I'm like "Um, sorta."

The good news is that because it's not authentic, we can talk about French-speaking people behind their backs and they'll never know.

We also, for some reason, started flipping each other off, which Kyle once did to someone in his high school gym class as a way of saying "That was awesome" because that's what it means when *we* do it, but it was not interpreted that way by his classmate.

Further proof that being a big sister rules. your. vie.

So today he is 26 and not a whole lot stronger than he was when he was first born, but muscles tend to atrophy when you only use them to flip other people off.

My favorite part about this day is that he is now closer to 30 than 20. And that means he's *almost* an adult.

So to all the tuls, fart smokers, and people named Watler out there ... if aujourd'hui is votre anniversaire, peut etre vous rule vies plus que les autres personnes dans le monde. And, comme toujours, je vt dite la gd verite.


Kyle Johnson said...

rule! vous dite la verite fart knocker!

Candice Lynn said...

Love it! It all comes together. I always thought it was Walter, not Watler, but I knew there was NO WAY you would have a typo on your blog.

Poodle said...

I probably have typos, but Watler is usually reserved for "special occasions" hehehehe