Sunday, October 19, 2008

Month 4, A Review

Dear Phoebe,

Two days ago, you turned 4 months old. Where has the time gone? I can't believe I was newly pregnant a year ago. And now, you're here, and you are becoming more and more "human" every day.

This past month you have started letting your dad and I know the things you like and do not like. And I find that funny because you are only 4 months old -- how on earth can you possibly know what you like and don't like?

Things you like:

kicking your legs
being outside (especially walks around the lake)
sleeping with the blanket over your face, like this:

Things you don't like:

wearing your eye patch
being startled
tummy time
when mommy has caffeinated coffee and you don't get your nap

You are starting to become more vocal and practicing talking, and every time (I am not kidding you -- every single time you so much as sigh) your dad says "She's going to talk a LOT." And when he says this, I can tell he is worried that you will be a talker like your mom and all the first-born women who came before you. But I happen to know he loves you very much and can't wait to hear the things you have to say -- he even jokes that you are going to become a world-famous wildlife biologist someday.

You are very much a home-body (just like mom and dad). We just got home tonight from a quick trip to Bakersfield to celebrate your great-uncle Brian's 50th birthday (and uncle Kyle's birthday and daddy's birthday) and you seem so much more at ease here at home. You welcomed your toys (you always favor the elephant) and your fleece blankie and you are asleep now on the floor in front of where I'm typing, with said fleece blankie almost completely covering your face.

This past month, I have been eagerly spending dad's money on Etsy in order to make your bedroom the best one in the house. And I'm really hoping that all my hard work will be worth it one day when you're 13 and you're going to be all "Mom, I DON'T want to paint my room or put up posters of teen heartthrob Knox Jolie-Pitt or do ANYTHING to it because IT'S SO AWESOME EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!"

Phoebe, your mother is an undying optimist. And that means I really think your room is still going to be awesome, even 12 years, 8 months from now.

You still resist tummy time, which has me convinced you are never going to learn how to crawl and after seeing your 8-month-old 2nd cousin Brockton this past weekend crawling all over the place ... I think we're going to continue to "forget" to put you on your stomach a little bit longer.

Tomorrow you are going to have your 4-month checkup at Dr. McNerney's office (who will not like that I have not been putting you on your tummy) and I know you are going to get 4 more shots.

I hate shots. And if you are reading this I am sure you are well aware how much I hate shots by now. And I know how much you hated them the last time you had to get them, and I remember vividly how badly you cried -- I swear even the nurse looked like she was going to cry she felt so badly for doing that to you. And seeing you in pain that way again is going to be really hard for me.

I've been dreading this appointment for the past 2 weeks because even though I know you will not remember getting shots tomorrow, I know I always will.

And I think that's the way your life is going to be for a long time. I'm going to remember things that you will never know. And then one day, you will begin to know things that I never will.

And that is the way life works out.

While we were at your grandma's house this past weekend, I was looking through some old pictures to see if you might possibly look even slightly like me and I decided that you did get my eyes. But while I was going through those old photos of myself, I realized I had no recollection of almost anything in those pictures.

There were, in this box, all these moments captured forever in time that I do not remember. But my mom was sitting there, telling me "Oh that was the old El Camino" and "I remember when I took those pictures of you with the little hat".

And it made me think about the things that happen in life.

And it's so amazing to me to realize that you are going to have thoughts, dreams, ideas, inside jokes with yourself, nicknames, and secrets. You are going to have drama with your friends, and make jokes about your crazy mother who writes letters to the Internet, and posted your farts on video for everyone in the world to watch.

And you are going to have really painful things happen to you (dear Lord please I hope not) and I am not going to know about all of them as I do now. You are going to slowly become your own journal of all that is interesting, private and amazing about you.

And you are amazing.

And I know I am going to remember that every minute of every day as long as I live.

Even now before you can remember, and also later during those painful moments when you can't.



Geoff said...

So sweet -- I love you guys!

Aunt E-Jane said...

I sure wish that Brockton & Phoebe lived closer to each other!! He really had fun meeting her and I'm sure that Ashleigh & Jarrett would love to have her live closer too!

Aunt E-Jane :)

Meghan said...

Just move here! :D