Monday, October 27, 2008

Potty Training

I realized recently that it's been awhile since I posted a funny blog. I guess the fall weather makes me feel more sentimental and touchy feely. And I am really enjoying it, too, but I think it's time for a little comedic release.

Happily, that release will NOT come in the form of pants-wetting comedy.

And THAT -- my friends -- is because this Friday will mark 2 weeks since I've peed my pants for the first time in about 6 months or so.

Yes. Pee. Pants. Me.

That is what happens when a 6 lb human being starts sitting on your bladder and then that human being grows into 8 lbs and then well, we know where they come from, and things get "compromised" in the process, so yes. Friday will be 2 whole weeks.

It's just about the most liberating feeling ever to not have to wear a panty liner and to cough, sneeze and laugh with reckless abandon.

I thought I was doing pretty well 6 weeks after having Phoebe. I thought "Hey, I'm doin' kegels, I'm gettin' back in shape".

And then I went to my 6 week postpartum appointment. And let me tell you that you haven't lived until you've had a middle aged certified nurse midwife tell you your kegels are totally weak after putting your feet in those stirrups with the confidence of someone who thought they were going to get a medal for them.

So to go so long without stress incontinence (that's what it's called) feels like a SERIOUS achievement.

And I'd rather have a little bit of that than the UTIs that can plague the people who've had C-sections and, therefore, epidurals (epidural = catheter and oh Holy Lord I wince just thinking about that -- I don't care HOW numb I would be). I mean, in the grand scheme of things, peeing pants comes nowhere near UTI on the scale of things that are not awesome.

In fact, I remember laughing heartily sophomore year after a friend told a joke (which I'm sure involved the word "fart" or "kegel") that I peed my pants to a point not commonly accepted among one's peers after the age of 3 or while completely sober. But it was so awesome, it made us laugh even harder, particularly the moment I walked -- knock-kneed -- to the bathroom to finish relieving myself.

And that never happens with UTIs, as I can sadly attest. Those are a lot more "crouching over in pain" and not so much from laughter.

I am welcoming back my non-granny panties with a vengeance. And discovering some of them are a little smaller than they were a year ago. Hmm. Must have shrunk after sitting in my drawer bein' all unused for so long.

And I am really looking forward to my next appointment in a few months. I want to make my CNM proud of what I've accomplished. It's like Biggest Loser. I plan to go back and show everyone how hard I worked at home and win that $100,000!

Or at least the ability to look her in the eye while in an extremely awkward position and smugly go "Jealous?"


Candice Lynn said...

I am picturing Samantha ("Sex") doing her kegels at lunch/the bar and laughing at your post that much more. PS-you've inspired me to clean out the wardrobe. This weekend's going to be a good one!

Meghan said...

DO IT! I mean, if you clean it out, that just means you get to buy more!!


Katie DiSimone said...

Oh, do I have some post-baby pee stories to share. Your's just reminded me of them, and they are some of my favorites! Your's had me cracking up.