Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Month 7, A Review

Dear Phoebe,

On Saturday you turned 7 months old. I know I'm late with this letter, but I've been sick and trying not to get you sick for the past week. By the time you read this, I am sure the extra few days won't make much of a difference to you.

This past month has been a fast one. You are getting so much better at sitting up lately, but you still topple over after a brief stint of being propped up by your dad or I. You are still not very interested in tummy time, which means crawling might be a ways off. You just roll yourself back onto your back and make do that way. You don't seem to mind just sitting (or laying) there, observing.

Your journey into eating solid foods is going well, and so far you like everything we've fed you (especially guacamole).

Your dad has introduced you to the jasmine plant in the backyard and the three of you have spent a lot of time out there with you grabbing the vine and watching as the entire plant shakes.

So far you don't have any teeth yet, but you have nights of teething that make us wonder when will we see something to show for the lack of sleep.

At your eye appointment this last time, Dr. Rena said she's not sure now if what you have is 4th nerve palsy, but possibly another problem with one of the 4 muscles that control vertical movement of your eye. We continue to patch you and look forward to your being old enough to look the directions she wants so she can get accurate measurements and we can schedule your surgery.

Your hair and body both continue to get long. You are still wearing mostly 3-6 month size outfits, but in others you have had to transition to 9 month size because the length of the onesie is an issue.

I can't believe how fast you are growing.

The other day I was holding you in front of the mirrored closet doors in your room and you were touching the mirror, trying to touch what I call "the baby in the mirror" (hint: that's you!) and you were so excited about it. And while you have enjoyed looking at the baby in the mirror for a few months now, your trying to reach out and touch that baby was new.

While we were standing there, I was looking at myself in the mirror, thinking that you are never going to know me as a 30 year old woman. You'll see what I look like now in pictures when you're older, but you won't know me as a young cool mom. Of course, it's possible that nobody knows me as that, but I like to think I'm still sorta young and cool.

I guess I want you to know that I wasn't always your mom. When I tell you "You can't fool me -- I was young too, you know" I hope you believe me. When I have to be your mom and tell you "no", or "you're too young" or "that's not a good idea", you can bet that I will be thinking "When did I become my mother?"

While I hope that we will become friends someday, there's going to be a long time in your life that I won't be your "friend". I'm going to have to parent you, and I'm pretty sure you're not going to like it.

I'm not sure how old you're going to be when you discover me in that mirror with you, or when you will start to realize I'm an actual person (and not just your mom), but I imagine I will be a lot older and I will look a lot different than I do now.

I can't wrap my mind around that.

Your dad asked me the other day if I was afraid of growing old. And I could very honestly say that I'm not. I just don't want you to grow old. I think there's a big difference.

When I look in the mirror with you, I think about how we'll look in the mirror 30 years from now. You might (or might not) look something like I look now. I will probably have a different hair cut. My face and body will have changed. You will be a woman. You will have had a lot of life experiences and possibly you will have children by then. I hope that you will be able to imagine the woman I am now, newly embarked on the journey of parenthood, looking off into the future to the time when you and I will be good friends.

I think it's safe to say I won't be holding you, and although you will no longer be reaching out to touch the baby in the mirror, I think I always will.



Leanne Carter-Lewis said...

Dude! These always make me cry!!!!

You should publish them....or in the very least send them to Oprah so she'll give you sumpin' free.

robyn :) said...

i love that i recognize a few of those items of clothing. the overalls were my favorites :) i'll have to gather another box since phoebe is growing as fast as a beanstalk. hope all is well.

HoneyB said...

Wow, you really touched me just now. Being a mom of two young adults (22&23)and of my relationship with my own mom(66)...I thought of them and myself(46) as I was reading your post.

Getting older isn't that bad. With the mindset you have I believe you have a lot to look forward to.