Saturday, October 9, 2010

The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes

*thank you Avett Brothers

Phoebe's second eye surgery (left eye) to fix the 4th nerve palsy that appeared not long after the surgery that fixed her right eye is scheduled for Tuesday.

I'm not as nervous as last time (but let's talk Monday night) and I am very much looking forward to putting these surgeries behind us (hopefully there won't be a need for adjustments in the future).

I think I'm gonna kind of miss her little wonky eye.

Yesterday I gave her a bath in the morning (quite unusual, but desperately necessary) and I sat her on the edge of the sink to blow dry her hair.  She was so sweet in her little towel (with her baby in her hands, drying her off with a washcloth) and she was so patient (brushing her teeth with my toothbrush) and so sweet I thought "This is what's good in life. This is what matters."

And the fading and grown out color in my hair disappeared.  And the old clothes and ill-fitting nursing bra that taunt me daily faded into the background.

And I thought about how much longer Phoebe will let me play with her hair and blow dry it before she decides she's old enough to do it herself.

I'm going to miss those moments desperately.

We got dressed and she looked so big all of a sudden, helping put on her shoes and socks.

We got in the car and drove to grandma's office for a visit (making sure to remember to bring "Bap", her word for "Jack", which she uses almost as much as "baby" now) and when the song "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles came on, Phoebe started kicking her legs and dancing.

I hope she always wants to sing along in the car.  Always.

It touched my heart so much.  I just love seeing her love of music manifest itself in different ways (she "head bangs" when playing Geoff's guitar, she is trying to sing along to songs now, she can't help but dance).

I wanted to freeze time. 

Last week's 60 Minutes had a segment on how eye witness accounts are actually really no good because people remember what they want to remember and -- and I loved this -- "There's just no way to put police tape around a memory".

That's what I wanted to do.  I wanted to put police tape around that memory.

Little girl growing up.

Dancing in the car.

Kicking her legs.

The world wide open before her.

The sun on her face.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aw, this is so, so sweet. And so bittersweet. And so descriptive of just how I feel sometimes.

I hope that the surgery goes well, and that Phoebe's recovery is smooth and easy.