Yesterday, to distract me, Geoff took us all to the lake park to get out of the house and get some fresh air. Before we left, Phoebe said "Lola" and looked around for her.
We told her Lola wasn't going to be coming with us.
Last night, when I was getting ready to go upstairs (grabbing my water cup, the nursing pillows, etc.) I instinctively looked on the blanket where Lola usually sleeps and felt the pang of emptiness in my heart and my home, the latter a place she will never again reside; the former a place she will always.
And today, when we passed the dog food at Costco, Phoebe said "Lola eat dog food!"
We answered, simply, "Yes, Lola eats dog food."
I think the past tense would have made me lose it. And I couldn't lose it in the middle of Costco.
I miss my dog terribly. And I think I am going to miss her for a very long time.