Thursday, November 8, 2012

Truth; hurt

Tonight was just like any other night.  Reading library books with Jack.  Phoebe playing with her babies.  Raefy fast asleep.  Music on the tv.

But Canon in D came on and suddenly the room shifted.  And I felt the narrowing breadth of time.

I remembered that song at my aunt's wedding.  I think I was 10?  9?  I was young.  I imagined Phoebe's wedding.  And Jack's.  And I looked at Phoebe and Jack play and squeezed my eyes to just *click* take a picture of the memory.

Phoebe placing all her babies in their own chairs at the table.

Jack pointing out the garbage trucks and cars in his book.  "What's this, mommy? What's this? What's this, mommy?"

Right before I picked up Jack to put him in bed (he hates bedtime the most, but always wants to go first), Phoebe said "I be 18, mommy"

I said "What?! You are 18?"

She said "Yes! Like Tangled!"

I said "Yes. One day, you will be 18 like Tangled"

And it's going to happen entirely too quickly.

I picked up Jack, and put him in bed, and said "I wish you would stay little forever.  Are you going to stay little forever?"

"No," he said.  He laughed.  Eyes twinkling in the glow of his little musical turtle light.

I said "Oh I know.  Are you going to grow up big and strong?"

He said "Yesssss!"

I kissed him and returned to the living room for Phoebe.

She is almost too heavy for me to lift.


I told her "You will grow up and be big and tall one day"

She laughed.

"You are the joy in my life"

She giggled and said "Yeahhhh".

I tucked her into bed, new batteries in the little ladybug nightlight, purple stars on the ceiling.
"I get to sleep with my ladybug stars, mommy!"

Her face lit up with joy, aglow with purple starlight, not yet 18, still little for a little while.

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